Score: 10

"Perfection itself."

submission: Metal Gear Funnies

date: August 18, 2008

I'd held off on reviewing any animations here on Newgrounds for the better part of a year, now, because I'd found that 90% of all the submissions that gain any notoriety here are Video Game parodies that lack any and all characteristics of being even remotely funny (Egoraptor, here's looking at you). I found myself hesitant to even open the link to this flash, given the history of such uninteresting, and frankly, space-wasting parodies that clogs the once-respectable tubes of the internet, especially in this, our sacred neck of the woods.

But reading through the myriad of reviews that could best be characterized through use of the word "butthurt," I decided that, perhaps, this animation would buck the trend of pedestrian parody, and transcend to a higher level of social commentary that would finally inspire me to write another Flash Review, as no other animation has inspired me to do for, as previously mentioned, at least the better part of a year.

I might say that I was partially correct on this count: Not only was this satire the most brilliant and subversive critique of the ever-declining userbase here on Newgrounds, but I could easily describe it as one of the most courageous and well-constructed flash efforts that it has ever been my pleasure to witness.

Rarely has such a talented crew assembled to point out the flaws of an internet society that encourages stupidity, and proliferates funniness via endless series of video game parodies, and other filler material that few educated could honestly describe in a positive light.

Crude, vulgar, and shocking, perhaps, but it was a duly needed shock from the culture of complacency to a call to action. This collaboration could be described as a cautionary tale, a warning for us to avoid that sorry state that looms large and dark, just over the horizon; the one we march inexorably toward with each passing day; the one we all desperately seek to avoid, but are too afraid to upset the delicate balance in order to avoid.

It is now obvious that not all are afraid to speak out, and I applaud each and every one of the contributors and contributions to this masterpiece; perhaps the seminal artwork of a generation. Long had I forgotten the independent spirit of this site and its constituents, but with this incomparably clever attack on the establishment, my confidence in our ability is returned.

Fully, and truly deserving of the first-place status for the month of July, and perhaps for the whole year, I can rest easy, knowing that hope may be buried just beneath the weathered surface of this once-bastion of independent creativity.

Score: 10

"Incredible."

submission: You guys wanna do math?

date: January 17, 2008

It's truly impossible to convey the scope of just how great a flash this is.

Just goes to show you that, even though seven years stand between it and the modern world, a classic animation never dies.

Score: 6

"Cliché drivel, at best."

submission: :the Composer:

date: September 28, 2007

While the animation was admittedly superb, and the visuals were quite intriguing, I found the storyline of this flash to be its weakest aspect.

Essentially, you're taking all the GOOD GUY OUTSIDER abuse-redemption-fame storylines ( that we can all admit to having seen at least 15 times, on Newgrounds alone ), And compiled them into a single messy plot, held together by the fantastic graphical work.

I might have given "Composer" a higher score, had it not been for the insane overuse of crying as a plot deivce to express sadness. Aren't there other ways, ( less obvious, perhaps? ) to express human emotion, without resorting to the ol' fallback of crying at every instance of the world's injustice.

I mean, come on. I think we can all agree that this flash temporarily resides at spot #1, solely due to the visuals.

Score: 10

"Music Meticulum! Muy Masterful! Mega-Mellifluous!"

submission: Polka Rock Experiment

date: June 8, 2009

As I lie here, knocked firmly onto my back, staring blankly at my computer screen, and it stares knowingly back through the glowing LCD lens of modernity, my mouth hangs agape, my fingers limp with shock and amazement, my swaddled blanket of Christlike innocence tugged ever-so-slightly by gravity towards the floor in my inability to firmly grip objects whilst being exposed to what is undoubtedly the greatest and most harmonious pieces of audiological perfection ever put to mortal human ears.

As if caught in a time-warp, this piece languishes on the cusp of of another era, a classicist throwback to Bachian or perhaps even Chopinic whimsy with touch of wisdom, and yet its synthesized wonder is securely anchored in the 1980s pop music movement, à la Blondie or the other greats of that most idyllic era.

Yet it is not what this piece borrows from precedent that makes it most amazing and the seminal artistic effort of our generation, but what it forges in a new musical path leading as a one-way street to fame, fortune, and ultimate happiness through the bliss of sound. The beautiful blending of improvisational stylings allows for what is undoubtedly a recollection of the golden jazz era of Duke Ellington and the New Orleans scene, and yet clearly not derivative in that sense.

It is this ability to cleave away from the beaten path of musical convention, and to combine such a wide variety of veritable keynotes, that allows the music of this most illustrious musician, one Piss of Newgrounds.com fame, to come alive as if bursting with a renewed life -- a life that could be brought on only by the greatest talent of our generation or indeed any generation.

And so we will continue to live out our daily lives, but from now on there will be just a hint of sadness, a bitter sting of loss that peppers our daily proceedings as we come to grips with the new revelation that we've already seen the best that humanity has to offer: there can be no higher state of perfection; there is nothing left to strive for. The best has come and gone.

Score: 10

"geez."

submission: Winter in Montreal

date: August 10, 2006

I'm not sure i can find anything wrong with this--its simply awesome.

Score: 8

"great."

submission: Dawn on the Battlefeild

date: August 10, 2006

I loved it. you are really good at playing the piano. although it was a little repetitive. Great concept.